Suff That's Happening In My Head

Do you ever feel like life is lapping you? I do sometimes. I have a sister who is 18 months older than me so I've spent my whole life trying to be 18 months older than I actually am. It isn't working too well. I'm worrying about stuff like what I'm gonna do with my life, and what's gonna happen, and when, and trying to be a teenager before I even reach 13, but at the same time I'm only 12, and part of me, and a large part at that, wants to be a little kid still. I don't really want to grow up, I just want to be independent and go out and do stuff on my own, or with my friends or be able to sit in my room and be able to spend however long I want without any noise at all. Like that's gonna happen in my house. I also want to be able to have more control over my life. For example, I'm moving house because the one we live in now is to expensive, and the new house is nice and all, but my room is gonna be smaller and I don't have a windowsill and I have all this stuff that I have no idea what to do with. Plus, I have to take all the awesome crap off my walls and stick it back up in the new house, and rearrange my furniture so it will fit, and go back to having beige walls, which is one of my pet peeves. I don't know where I'm going with this, it's just sorta something that I needed to get out of my system. I guess what I mean to say, is I'm gonna be in year 8 come September and I'm freaking terrified. I mean, I spend so much time trying to grow up and be cool, and the rest of my time trying not to forget what it's like to be a little kid. It makes my head hurt.