Suff That's Happening In My Head

Do you ever feel like life is lapping you? I do sometimes. I have a sister who is 18 months older than me so I've spent my whole life trying to be 18 months older than I actually am. It isn't working too well. I'm worrying about stuff like what I'm gonna do with my life, and what's gonna happen, and when, and trying to be a teenager before I even reach 13, but at the same time I'm only 12, and part of me, and a large part at that, wants to be a little kid still. I don't really want to grow up, I just want to be independent and go out and do stuff on my own, or with my friends or be able to sit in my room and be able to spend however long I want without any noise at all. Like that's gonna happen in my house. I also want to be able to have more control over my life. For example, I'm moving house because the one we live in now is to expensive, and the new house is nice and all, but my room is gonna be smaller and I don't have a windowsill and I have all this stuff that I have no idea what to do with. Plus, I have to take all the awesome crap off my walls and stick it back up in the new house, and rearrange my furniture so it will fit, and go back to having beige walls, which is one of my pet peeves. I don't know where I'm going with this, it's just sorta something that I needed to get out of my system. I guess what I mean to say, is I'm gonna be in year 8 come September and I'm freaking terrified. I mean, I spend so much time trying to grow up and be cool, and the rest of my time trying not to forget what it's like to be a little kid. It makes my head hurt.

I Never Realised How Weird I Am

So I was on YouTube at about 3 am last night, as you are, and I was watching an Indieduction to Alex Day for no particular reason. So the video ended and the time came for me to comment saying 'I watched this and this is what I thought about it.' I typed this:
I like everything including country and opera, except screamo music (I don't know how else to describe it) and I'm starting to like it.
Holding on gives me this weird feeling in my chest like my ribcage is being removed. It's nice. It means that song has become part of 'home'. 'Home' is all the songs that I will never forget the lyrics to and will listen to forever. They're 'home' because I move around a lot and music doesn't change. Wow I'm weird.
I decided not to post it because it was too weird but I thought I would share it with anyone who somehow manages to stumble upon these random rambles from the small hours of the morning. I kinda like this comment actually, because I never realised any of it was true until I typed it. I also never really realised how much the 'home' songs can help me wind down and relax. I always used to get really worried because I would sit in my room and think 'I wanna go home' without even thinking about it when I was in my room which is the one place on this planet I should feel at home in. But my home is not a house or a building or a room. It is a playlist on my iPod or a website on this magical thing we call the Internet. And I love it.

Exams

It's nearly midnight and I have to get up at 6:30 am tomorrow. I should be asleep. Or if I have to be awake I should be revising for my exams or doing the homework that's due in tomorrow that I haven't done yet because I can't be bothered. That's what bugs me about end of year exams. They are always in the last week before the summer half term or the summer holidays if you're really unlucky. Those are the two weeks when end of term I-can't-be-bothered-to-do-this are worst. So my teachers can forget about me doing proper revision until the week before the exams. It's not like they're that important but the way my teachers bang on about them they could be my bloody GCSEs or A levels, which makes me worry what it will be like when I actually do my GCSEs and A levels. I don't know why I feel so permanently tired. My mom says it's because I stay up too late but it isn't that kind of tired. I just don't want to do anything except in the middle of the night when I should be asleep and when I go back to school tomorrow after this long weekend I'm not gonna be awake in the middle of the night so I won't feel like doing anything, ever. Not good. I should probably spend less time on the Internet and more time doing other stuff. Maybe then I'll get more energy. The only problem is there are only so many things you can do between the hours of 7 pm and 9:30 pm on a weekday and two of those things are fairly time consuming and absolutely essential: eating dinner and showering etc. Gahh. I'm going in circles. Maybe I should just start drinking energy drinks 24/7. That could work. Although my mom will probably not buy them for me. Again with the circles. I hate exams.
I still don't know how to finish these (I forgot to find out) so I'm going to once again finish like this.

HI

Hi. I'm Nicky. I'm your average pre-teen trying to figure out who I am. Along the way I sometimes have thoughts which seem interesting enough to share with the world so I decided to start this blog. I have no idea what I'm doing. The same goes for most things that I do when I first start, but I always manage to get along okay. My gym teacher is always saying that I'm the girl who will try anything, mainly because I agreed to learn an entire sports acro rotine involving lifts and me doing a cartweel over my patners legs in a week and then perform it infront of the entire school and their parents.
I'm pretty optimistic and my best friends are twins so I'm usually the one who breaks up the arguments, but there is one person who only has to be near me for two seconds for me to get annoyed enough to swear at her, only I don't because her only aim in life is to make me swear and I don't want to give her the satisfaction. Did I mention I ramble a lot? If rambling was an Olimpic sport I would win gold.
I'm half American and was born in Singapore (I am NOT Singaporian so don't even thing about saying I am) so I'm not exactly your average teenager but hey, who gives? That's the rule I try to live by: This is me. If you don't like it, fuck off. Which is good, because I'm a bit of a nerd and definatly a nerdfighter (if you don't know what that is go to www.youtube.com/vlogbrothers) which means I stand out from the crowd a bit. I love Doctor Who and don't use paragraphs as much as I should. Oh, and I can't spell and am a world champion rambler. Is that a word? Rambler. It SOUNDS like a word but it doesn't look right. I can even ramble in text form. By accident.
ANYWAYS... I'm not going to put regular updates on here because my life isn't that interesting and I don't have the time. But I will put down all the interesting thoughts I have for you to enjoy.
How do I finish this? Do I type bye? Or do I just finish? Should I have a special thing that I do or what? Untill I find out I'm finishing like this.